Hmm.

I'm such a wuss sometimes. I'm so scared, over nothing. I'm sure I'm overreacting, I need to grow up. It'll all be ok and I'll probably think..well that was fine. Sigh. I worry too much. Actually, I guess that's a good thing in some senses...If I didn't worry about some people, then who would? Then again, I'm sick of being responsible for holding everyone together. Seriously, I can barely hold myself together. Let alone a bunch of mental teenagers, with severe problems too hard to even begin to comprehend.

Random things.

I've always said I would do a list of random things about myself, but I never really could be bothered. So here goes.

1. I'm the kid who's allergic to almost everything. Please don't ask me to list them, because we'll be here for an hour.
2. I'm pretty shy and like to keep to myself. Unless I'm around my friends, then that changes dramatically.
3. My favourite things are hazelnuts, rainy days, penguins and the colour blue.
4. I apparentely look like a rabbit when I'm thinking. I wasn't actually aware of this until last year.
5. I am the most unphotogenic person I know. I love taking photos, but I always look terrible in them.
6. I love trying new things, even when I fail at them.
7. I'm most certainly not a perfectionist, but I hate seeing myself fail. Which is probably a bit stupid, seeing I'm a failure.
8. Google is my saviour.
9. I love crappy kids movies.
10. I also love crappy pre-teen shows. Especially The Sleepover Club. I watch it loyally.
11. I throw up a lot when I'm upset. Which also means I go really pale when I'm upset. Oh. And my ears go red.
12. The only thing in life that I hate is bad grammar and spelling mistakes.
13. I go to bed ridiculously late and get up ridiculously early.
14. I don't like desserty things like cream or custard or pudding or mousse.
15. I was an incredibly smart kid, and I often wonder when things changed.
16. I laugh at everything.
17. I'm almost a black belt in taekwondo, although I recently decided it was too much pressure and gave up.
18. I often say that I hate my life, or I hate my family or my friends, but it's pretty much the opposite, I'm just slightly dramatic at points.
19. I'm a different person around different people, and I know that's not a good thing, but it's just who I am.
20. I can't sleep without a teddy.

So there you go. 20 random things for the people who don't read my blog to read :D

Nobody gets it do they?

People just don't get it..

Nobody understands what's happening.

They all just say, cheer up, it'll be ok in the end.

But HOW is it going to be ok?

HOW am I supposed to live with this?

Because right now I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to handle it.

I haven't written something that's worth reading in ages...

S0. I shall write something that shall hopefully be readable..

Today I had to sit by myself in science, in the front row, at first I was rather sulky about that fact, then three of the "popular" guys came to sit next to me. (note the quotations around popular, we actually don't really have populars at our school) I was sitting there silently doing my work like the little nerd whom I am, when I started to listen to their conversation.

Now, I wasn't really eavesdropping, I was just picking up on little parts of their chat, when I realised that they were all talking about really heavy stuff. Like how one of their mum's has got cancer, how the other one is considering leaving home because he has lots of siblings and feels as though his parents don't care about him and such.

Now, this came as quite a shock to me, as you know...normally people think, oh, they're popular, they must have such easy lives right? So my point for people to remember, if anyone actually reads this, is that even though people look as though they have a tough, or care-free exterior, they might actually be hurting too.

So...I feel crap.

It's all my fault.

And there's not one thing I can do.

Hmm.

Why?

Why did it all happen in the first place?

Why didn't I let it all happen right under my nose?

Why was I such a crappy friend who left their best friend when they needed them most?

Why won't you just come home already?

Hmm.

Apparentely, if you keep telling yourself something, you will eventually convince yourself of that fact. So, if I keep telling myself that nothing bad's happened, and the letter means nothing and she's ok, then I should be fine. Right?

Oh. Fun.

I have to spend 3 or 4 nights living in the same room as someone I'm not even talking to.

This is going to be....interesting.

Don't your friends just...annoy the heck out of you?

Don't get me wrong, I love them to pieces and don't know what in the world I would do without them, but sometimes they just freaking piss me off.

Like, for instance, you go to the canteen and buy something like...a pack of chips or a baguette, they always beg you for it, and then get really annoyed when you don't give them some. But it's like, hello, we have about 10 people in our group, it's a little hard to share with everyone!!

Then you tell one person something and by the end of that day, the entirety of the group knows your new secret, and then they tell someone else and then the whole world knows!!!

Then, I'm sitting in Science, or maybe English, and they ask me for the answers. I mean, fair enough, ask me how to work something out, or something. But I'm sick of doing everyone else's work for them!! And people who don't like certain things, like, one friend in particular is kind of against the whole Christian element of our school, and when it came time to do the devotions roster in class she moaned and moaned about having to play one measly song, or pray for a minute, or tell a story, and then she asked me to write out her entire speech for her, and I, being a stupid pushover, said yes.

In other news, falling into your locker and slamming your head, whilst a bunch of year 12's are watching isn't really fun.