Hello!

Wow, I haven't used blogger in aaaaaaaaages!

Since my birthday I believe, but I've been using tumblr instead, you should check it out (:

http://rampagingrabbits.tumblr.com/

Anyway, after that plug, I don't really know what to say.

So, LYRICSPAM!

Yeah, I know it's old and crappy, but I think it's cool :D

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong.
And no one understands you.
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud ,
That no one hears you screaming.

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt,
To feel lost,
To be left out in the dark,
To be kicked when you're down,
To feel like you've been pushed around,
To be on the edge of breaking down,
And no one's there to save you.
No you don't know what it's like.
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies,
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like,
When nothing feels all right.
You don't know what it's like,
To be like me.

To be hurt,
To feel lost,
To be left out in the dark,
To be kicked when you're down,
To feel like you've been pushed around.
To be on the edge of breaking down,
When no one's there to save you.
No you don't know what it's like,
Welcome to my life.

No one ever lied straight to your face,
No one ever stabbed you in the back,
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay,
Everybody always gave you what you wanted,
Never had to work it was always there.
You don't know what it's like, what it's like.

To be hurt,
To feel lost,
To be left out in the dark,
To be kicked when you're down,
To feel like you've been pushed around,
To be on the edge of breaking down,
And no one's there to save you,
No you don't know what it's like,

To be hurt,
To feel lost,
To be left out in the dark,
To be kicked when you're down,
To feel like you've been pushed around,
To be on the edge of breaking down,
And no one's there to save you,
No you don't know what it's like,
Welcome to my life.

Guess what?!

I got an awesome guitar for my birthday, I'm incredibly happy!

He's pretty! (Yes, he's a guy, his name is also Finley, and he is blue!)

He's coooooooool ;D

Sigh.

I'm sick of your drama.

I'm sick of you and your stupidity.

I'm sick of you and your reasons.

I'm sick of you and your excuses.

I'm sick of what you say.

I'm sick of what you do.

I'm just sick of you.

Um.

Am I weird because I genuinely like essays?

Am I weird because I love arguing with people?

Am I weird because I enjoy your hugs so much that I wish they'd never end?

Am I weird because I listen to random music?

Am I weird because I cry in Criminal Minds, but yet I can't cry about somebody dying?

Am I weird because I can't eat popcorn?

Am I weird because I like ironing?

Am I weird because I'm a total nerd who reads books about philosophy and then attempts to do assignments on them?

Am I weird because I actually love going to school, no matter how much I deny it?

Am I weird because I have spazzes when my mum tries to feed me brussel sprouts and mash potato?

Am I weird because after spazzing I go into my room and play with my teddies?

Am I weird because I can't sleep without my toy frog?

Am I weird in general?

Probably, yes.

Hmm.

I'm such a wuss sometimes. I'm so scared, over nothing. I'm sure I'm overreacting, I need to grow up. It'll all be ok and I'll probably think..well that was fine. Sigh. I worry too much. Actually, I guess that's a good thing in some senses...If I didn't worry about some people, then who would? Then again, I'm sick of being responsible for holding everyone together. Seriously, I can barely hold myself together. Let alone a bunch of mental teenagers, with severe problems too hard to even begin to comprehend.

Random things.

I've always said I would do a list of random things about myself, but I never really could be bothered. So here goes.

1. I'm the kid who's allergic to almost everything. Please don't ask me to list them, because we'll be here for an hour.
2. I'm pretty shy and like to keep to myself. Unless I'm around my friends, then that changes dramatically.
3. My favourite things are hazelnuts, rainy days, penguins and the colour blue.
4. I apparentely look like a rabbit when I'm thinking. I wasn't actually aware of this until last year.
5. I am the most unphotogenic person I know. I love taking photos, but I always look terrible in them.
6. I love trying new things, even when I fail at them.
7. I'm most certainly not a perfectionist, but I hate seeing myself fail. Which is probably a bit stupid, seeing I'm a failure.
8. Google is my saviour.
9. I love crappy kids movies.
10. I also love crappy pre-teen shows. Especially The Sleepover Club. I watch it loyally.
11. I throw up a lot when I'm upset. Which also means I go really pale when I'm upset. Oh. And my ears go red.
12. The only thing in life that I hate is bad grammar and spelling mistakes.
13. I go to bed ridiculously late and get up ridiculously early.
14. I don't like desserty things like cream or custard or pudding or mousse.
15. I was an incredibly smart kid, and I often wonder when things changed.
16. I laugh at everything.
17. I'm almost a black belt in taekwondo, although I recently decided it was too much pressure and gave up.
18. I often say that I hate my life, or I hate my family or my friends, but it's pretty much the opposite, I'm just slightly dramatic at points.
19. I'm a different person around different people, and I know that's not a good thing, but it's just who I am.
20. I can't sleep without a teddy.

So there you go. 20 random things for the people who don't read my blog to read :D

Nobody gets it do they?

People just don't get it..

Nobody understands what's happening.

They all just say, cheer up, it'll be ok in the end.

But HOW is it going to be ok?

HOW am I supposed to live with this?

Because right now I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to handle it.

I haven't written something that's worth reading in ages...

S0. I shall write something that shall hopefully be readable..

Today I had to sit by myself in science, in the front row, at first I was rather sulky about that fact, then three of the "popular" guys came to sit next to me. (note the quotations around popular, we actually don't really have populars at our school) I was sitting there silently doing my work like the little nerd whom I am, when I started to listen to their conversation.

Now, I wasn't really eavesdropping, I was just picking up on little parts of their chat, when I realised that they were all talking about really heavy stuff. Like how one of their mum's has got cancer, how the other one is considering leaving home because he has lots of siblings and feels as though his parents don't care about him and such.

Now, this came as quite a shock to me, as you know...normally people think, oh, they're popular, they must have such easy lives right? So my point for people to remember, if anyone actually reads this, is that even though people look as though they have a tough, or care-free exterior, they might actually be hurting too.

So...I feel crap.

It's all my fault.

And there's not one thing I can do.

Hmm.

Why?

Why did it all happen in the first place?

Why didn't I let it all happen right under my nose?

Why was I such a crappy friend who left their best friend when they needed them most?

Why won't you just come home already?

Hmm.

Apparentely, if you keep telling yourself something, you will eventually convince yourself of that fact. So, if I keep telling myself that nothing bad's happened, and the letter means nothing and she's ok, then I should be fine. Right?

Oh. Fun.

I have to spend 3 or 4 nights living in the same room as someone I'm not even talking to.

This is going to be....interesting.

Don't your friends just...annoy the heck out of you?

Don't get me wrong, I love them to pieces and don't know what in the world I would do without them, but sometimes they just freaking piss me off.

Like, for instance, you go to the canteen and buy something like...a pack of chips or a baguette, they always beg you for it, and then get really annoyed when you don't give them some. But it's like, hello, we have about 10 people in our group, it's a little hard to share with everyone!!

Then you tell one person something and by the end of that day, the entirety of the group knows your new secret, and then they tell someone else and then the whole world knows!!!

Then, I'm sitting in Science, or maybe English, and they ask me for the answers. I mean, fair enough, ask me how to work something out, or something. But I'm sick of doing everyone else's work for them!! And people who don't like certain things, like, one friend in particular is kind of against the whole Christian element of our school, and when it came time to do the devotions roster in class she moaned and moaned about having to play one measly song, or pray for a minute, or tell a story, and then she asked me to write out her entire speech for her, and I, being a stupid pushover, said yes.

In other news, falling into your locker and slamming your head, whilst a bunch of year 12's are watching isn't really fun.

Uh.

Victor Harbor's not that far away is it?

-Cries-

Well, that was a bit stupid of me...

So, apparentely I was freaking out over nothing. The thought of senior school actually petrified me, for the entire holidays. I was terrified at the thought of responsibility and homework and formal uniform and different teachers and timetables and assignments and not being with my friends.

But, I got to school, and saw all my friends, and the worries began to slowly disappear. Although I still am pretty scared to walk down the corridor by myself, on account of the numerous times that I was pushed today, but I'll survive. And to make life a lot easier, by some truly AMAZING fluke I got like, 4 friends in my home group! YAY!

The only thing I've got to worry about now is the fact that I actually can't open my own locker, which is a slight dilemma, but if that's my biggest problem with senior school, life for the next year should be easy as pie!

You Know.

I'm sick of this.
It's seriously not fair.
I thought that you cared.

But no, apparentely not.

Why?

Sometimes I wonder...why?

Why must such horrible things happen?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

So.

On one hand, I could do the right thing and let it happen and be happy for the person.

On the other hand, I could get really really really really pissed off and it would happen anyway.

So. What do I do?

Wait. They're both losers anyway, who cares?

Oh. That's right, the majority of my friends are losers.

Hello.

Hello People, whom I doubt will be reading this.

I don't really have anything exciting to blog about...how sad. So, I shall tell you what I have been up to as of late, and what I've got planned until I have to face the dreaded horror otherwise known as school.

Today...I went over to Grace's house :D Well, Alex and I went over to Grace's house. I thought the plan was to make cookies. We never did. We played some random games on Tivo and made pizza and kind of watched Harry Potter. 'Twas good fun.

Tomorrow the plan is that Mother and I are going shopping :D Then she's dropping me at my Granny's house so I can catch up with my cousins and finally finish my project (I'm making some sort of overally type shorts things...but they're taking forever) Then sometime tomorrow is when Big Week Out! Which I'm really excited about...which is slightly strange, because I don't really have much of a clue what we're actually doing, but hey? It sounds like it's going to be fun!

So from Monday through to Friday, I shall be busying myself with Big Week Out, then I have to be at the airport at 4.45 on Saturday Morning. Fun hey?

I'm going to bed SO SO SO SO SO tired by the time school starts that I'm afraid I'll have to never attend school again. I really don't want to go back yet.

Honestly.

I think it's terrible. Seeing 14 and 15 year olds drinking and smoking. It actually disgusts me. It disgusts me a heck of a lot more to think that they're my friends. It's even worse when these 'friends' offer you a cigarette and then call you a wuss when you decline. So then after bothering you about not smoking, they try and pester you to have a drink...they say "oh, come on, one drink won't kill you."

And then you don't know what to do. On one hand you want your friends to think that you're cool, but on the other hand you know that it's a really stupid thing to do.

Siiiiiiiiigh.

Oh hello there.

I'm in the middle of a surprise vist from a certain cousin and best friend of mine. Although they are off buying me icecream, so I thought I'd blog about my happiness!

YAY.

Anyway, what I really wanted to blog about wasn't happiness, more the exact opposite to be honest. Don't you really hate it when you trust someone a lot, and then they just go and do something completely mean and you never ever want to talk to them again?

It sucks.

Why are girls such bitches? It drives me insane.

You Know...

I don't actually have a whole lot to say to you world of Blog.
None the less. Life is good, I'm mostly happy-except for one thing, but that can't be helped-and this piece of pie is possibly the most delicious item of food that I've ever eaten. Aside from the fact that I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY missing certain people...possibly even people that I've seen during this week, but mostly ones I haven't seen since school finished, I'm happy.

Yay.

Love sucks.

Love is a stupid thing. Honestly. What does it do for you? Make your heart pound 100000 beats per minute? Make you cry yourself to sleep at night? Make you wait by the phone just to see if he'll call? Make you do stupid things that you're going to regret later? And yeah, the worst thing is that it ruins friendships.



Love sucks Pineapples.

Er...I fail at coming up with titles hey?

God. I'm a freaking selfish bitch.

I finally get what I want, and I'm STILL not happy. Sometimes I wish I could be a good person...and a better friend. But no. I fail at life.

I just don't get it...It's what I wanted, yet I'm still not satisfied with it...gahh.

How can you miss someone this much?

I miss you so much. Probably too much. But I'm worried about you. I'm so worried that I'm staying up to wait to talk to you, even though I know you won't come online. I'm worried that you'll do something incredibly stupid... maybe even stupider than you've already done.

So please. Don't shut the world out. It won't help. You've got to do something. At least talk to someone. Please?

Love you :D

And so do a lot of people...and God...even if you did do something really stupid, he still loves you no matter what.

Some random survey I stole from Sari

IN 2009 DID YOU?
(Bold is True)

Spent Over $200 in One Store
Thrown Up
Broken A Cell Phone
Made a member of the opposite sex cry
Discover a new favourite band/singer
Have a sleepover with a member of the opposite sex
Drove for more than 8 hours
Eat sushi
Take a picture of yourself kissing someone
Listen to a song on repeat over 50 times
Worn heels
Worn red lipstick
Freak out waiting for someone to text you back
Get into a big fight with someone you've kissed before
Lent someone money for drugs
Smoked
Drunk
Shoplifted
Lied to your best friend
Watched the sunrise
Had detention
Cried yourself to sleep
Forgotten someone's birthday
Played spin the bottle
Been in a talent show
Dumped someone
Gotten seasick
Hung up on someone
Protested
Been out of the country
Thrown a show at someone
Sung in front of a crowd

Ok, well then. I feel like writing letters.

Dearest Best Buddy,

I think it's my job as your best friend to tell you that you've screwed up immensely. But you're strong, you can get through it k? I remember you singing and making a speech at your own Dad's funeral when you thought it was your fault, and you still didn't cry. You're strong enough to get through anything, especially this. It's all ok though, I have a plan.

We shall go to Mexico, meet a guy called Felix, he shall sell us an old bomb for the price of a taco. So we'll travel around Mexico in our old little bomb, until we find a blue phone box. We shall then meet the Doctor (David Tennant and NOT Matt Smith) and we'll ask him to take us back two or so months in time. He'll say no. But it'll all be ok, because he gives us the idea of starting a lemonade stand to raise money to get home! So yeah, we end up home anyway. Fine. It's a shonky plan.

But please, you can get through this, you need to talk to someone...You can't do it on your own, you're only 15. And know that I've always loved you, always have, and always will.

Love You Lots.

Love JemaJam.

Well, I can't be bothered with anymore letters, so I quit.

2010...weird.

That sounds weird. 2010. Time flies. I wish I was back in Year 2. Before anything bad had happened. Everyone lived nearby. My biggest worry was what to have on my toast.

Not saying I don't like life as it is now, I do. I mean, there's a few things I'd like to change, like possibly bringing Sarah and Morgan to live here with me, and cheering Mum up, and for me to get more sleep, but you know, I'm reasonably happy most of the time...sometimes it would be nice to go back in time though.

But 2009 has gone so fast, it's creepy. It's been a good year though. Mostly. Made some good new friends, a fair few of whom I wouldn't of been brave enough to even talk to last year...but yeah, I guess it's been a good year.

2010 sounds scary. Year 10. Ugh. All the new friends I've made this year aren't gonna be in any of my classes, which is slightly sucky. But oh well. I'm looking forward to it, in a nervous way. Except for my apparent placing in pure maths when I failed maths...Oh well.

I've got a couple of New Year's Resolutions I've decided.

To sleep more, to be myself ALL the time, to give and get more hugs (yeah it probably sounds stupid, but oh well.) to not spend my life on facebook and to do my homework and get better grades, get a job, to spend more time with friends who I don't spend much time with, and to appreciate my family more.

Wow. Long list.

Well, night peeps, I should be in bed...hope your holidays are going swimmingly(no, that was not a fish reference)